so here i am. in america. i freaking love this country. i feel soo much more at home here than anywhere else i've ever been. cereal. i want to die here. not now, but here. i LOVE this country. and this town. well, parts of it. i love the trees, and the people, and the mountains, and the food, and the styles, and the freaking space needle. i have missed this place SO much more than anyone will ever know. honestly, i would kill to go back in time. i miss my house more than everything else in the world combined. i want to be 5 again. i want to be little and living in 931 k street. with my family, my two dogs and three cats. i want the most dangerous thing i've ever done to be balancing on the back fence while my parents weren't looking. i want to get in trouble for leaving the yard without an adult. i want to hide under our canoe in the back yard on a hot summer day. i want to lie in the front lawn in the middle of the night and stare at the stars, wondering what the rest of the world looks like. i want to go eat strawberries in the back yard, knowing they were the only strawberries that would grow back there until next year. i want to walk, barefoot, to the candy store and spend a whole 25 cents on penny candy. i want to go on the awesome, exciting once a week trip to costco, and go try all the samples. i want to read old books about england, and picture it without knowing what it looks like. i want to sit in my bedroom all alone, wide-eyed reallly late at night - at least 8:30, wondering where kaeli and anna are and wondering what might be in the closet that could possibly eat me. i want to wonder what canadians are like, and what canada looks like. i want to be curious about europe and wonder which language they speak in holland. i want to run outside in the pouring rain and play with the earthworms that came sliding out of the cracks to avoid drowning. i want to pretend that i believe in ghosts with kayleen, and create my own fake ghost friend named 3. i want to think that walking around the block once is 'going on a walk'. i want to be super excited to get an e-mail account for the first time. i want the the worst film i have ever seen to be PG13. i want to think that the matrix is evil. i want to not know how to swear in foreign languages. i want to think that drinking a sip of mom's wine is exciting and rare. i want to think coffee consists only of black drip. i want the coolest music i listen to to be jump 5, aurora, stacie orrico and plus one. i want the most exciting food ever to mcdonalds and very rarely burgerville. i want seattle to be a really cool far off place that i get to go to every couple months.
i want to be satisfied with my life. i want to be super excited to go back to england. i want to be overjoyed to be in ywam. i want to be ready to make more new friends again. i want to be unemotional. i want to love happy things not deep melancholia. i want to want out of america. i want to want to travel a ton right now. i want to absolutely love my life in every respect. i want to be so excited about what i'm doing. lalalalalalalalalalalala.
happy birthday world. why am i always hungry? interesting question. alright, enough depressing wistfulness for one night. farewell internet. see ya. -me
