DTS

Halla blog, how are you? Tired of being stuck in a dusty old box in the attic? Sorry I don't take you out much any more. Shoot, is talking to a blog a sign of insanity? Oh well. Not sure why I'm writing on here, I guess it's just faster and easier than journalling in an actual journal. So, DTS. This DTS is really awesome. Dang. Cool. Awesome. Sucky. I can't make up my mind about how I should feel about DTSes anymore. All the people on this DTS seem really really amazing. And, I really want to get to know them more... but... Ahh! I can't stand this. So, I feel like I've gotten to know this DTS faster than I pretty much ever have. Which is... good I suppose. Or maybe bad. Because, it just means that I will probably get to know them better by the end than any other DTS so far... Which is awesome, but it also sucks. Because the closer I get to them, the more amazing they are, the more I love them, the harder it is to let go of them. And that I will have to let go of them is, obviously, inevitable. I want to talk to them, get to know them, hear their stories, their loves, their hates... but I just know that every talk, every conversation, every memory will just stab me all the more once they're gone. And honestly, 5 months is not that long. Soon I will be all alone again. Again. Ugh. And I almost just really don't want to think about this yet, 5 months in advance... but I also know I sort of need to... I think. 'Cause, maybe, just maybe if I try to get over it now, it won't hurt so bad then. Or maybe it will hurt every single bit as much, and more. But hey, whatever, right? I'm apparently a 'strong person'. So a little masochism shouldn't hurt too much. Riiiight. Uh-huh.

I just don't know what to do... I mean, I would kill [not literally] to go on outreach with them, but will that just make it worse? or would it give me more amazing memories to dwell on when I'm 99? I just can't stand the fact that again, for about the 116th time in the past 3 years, I'm getting close to another group of people, and really starting to love them, when I know that in less than 6 months they will just run off and rip my freaking heart out again, like very other school ever. Grrrrr..... I mean, I don't want to blame them for it... It's not like they need to stick around and waste their lives just to make me happy. I just wish they would stay, or at least come back... but they almost never do. No matter how many times I've been promised "It's okay, I'll come and visit!" or "I'm sure I'll be back to staff in a few years", it never happens. They all move on. They don't need me as much as I need them I guess. Probably because most normal people have friends that stay in one spot. But not me. Oh well. Now, stop whining Abbey! That's a direct order. Sheez, who knew I had all this teenage angst stored up in me? I didn't. Weird. [I have just noticed, the word "Weird" completely defies the rules. You know, I before E except after C. I see no C. Hmm.] Farewell cyberspace! I shall talk to you soon. Au Revoir!